How to Love When Youâ€™ve Been Hurt
Mr. Incredible and I have had our share of miscommunications. Still, Iâ€™ve been blessed with his patience as he talks me through issues that need addressing. For example, our weekend activities might be something that catered more to his interests than mine. Almost always, I never speak my mind for fear of rejection. Consequently, there are times when I feel like Iâ€™m losing a touch of reality. Who am I? Why do I find myself doing everything Mr. Incredible wants to do? Truth be told, instead of clearly conveying the problem, I slink away and ask for space. It sounds like a recipe for trouble, right?
Letâ€™s rewind a few years back. I was young, naive, and invincible. Heck, I moved from Los Angeles to Las Vegas without fear because I was with my first love. Heck, fear was never in my vocabulary when I made a vow to my ex. Fast forward to a few years later, and we hardly spoke to each other. How can love so pure turn the other cheek?
Perhaps Iâ€™m over-correcting my relationship with Mr. Incredible.Â Luckily, he is two steps ahead of me, so when I think Iâ€™m sly, he grounds me. Itâ€™s true, I shouldnâ€™t keep my thoughts to myself as it sabotages us. In an attempt to share my interests with him, I suggested dinner plans, and guess what? He didnâ€™t say no. Sure, my effort was simple, but Iâ€™m giving myself credit for taking baby steps!
If thereâ€™s anything Iâ€™m learning about my relationship now, itâ€™s the following:
Be yourself.Â Your love took an interest in you for a reason.Â Whether itâ€™s your raspy voice in the morning or the way you carry yourself in front of his family; the point is, he chose you. By now, he understands your flaws better than yourself. Still, youâ€™re his perfect imperfection.Â So donâ€™t be afraid to simply be yourself. Trust me, youâ€™re all he sees in a crowded room.
Shove history aside.Â Your past may have been a whirlwind of conundrums. By now, youâ€™ve learned from your mistakes and have a clear understanding of what you really want in a relationship. Still, youâ€™re very cautious about every move you take. Inside, you think this same relationship will end the same fate as your past. With that in mind, youâ€™re not giving yourself the ability to immerse in love. Donâ€™t rob yourself of this pleasure because having a second chance in love is a gift. Itâ€™s pure ecstasy you donâ€™t want to miss.
So if love presents itself to you, donâ€™t dwell on your past. I for one, have a lot of learning to do in this lesson. As Mr. Incredible would say it, “Iâ€™m not him.” Touche.
Donâ€™t sulk in negativity.Â Getting out of a long-term relationship is tough. Sometimes, youâ€™ll find yourself trapped in memories both good and bad. After that, youâ€™ll wonder what went wrong, and correct whatâ€™s not broken in your current relationship. For example, my ex never liked going for walks, and because my ex never liked doing that, Mr. Incredible must not like walks either. After suggesting the idea to Mr. Incredible, he gets himself ready for the activity. I, on the other hand, refuses to believe heâ€™s up for the plan, so I ask for confirmation. Twice.
Never let negativity engulf your relationship as it can show forms of distrust. It takes two to tango so dance to the beat of your love.
Let go of the little things.Â Youâ€™re both two individual people with different upbringings. While you might have a long list of common interests, youâ€™ll also have a similar one for differences. Youâ€™re not in a relationship to fix one another but to embrace your individuality.Â Trust me, fighting about the smallest things in life is not worth the pain when thereâ€™s lots of room for growth!
Laugh together.Â Take a slow Sunday morning together. Watch a show. Go out of town. Sing to a song, but in all things, laugh. Laugh because love gravitated you to be together. Laugh for no reason. Laugh at his cheesy jokes. Laugh because itâ€™s contagious. And laugh because your laugh lines are more beautiful than frown lines!
Appreciate.Â Donâ€™t take their efforts for granted. I once knew a couple who ended their relationship because both parties felt underappreciated. It got to the point where they thought they were giving their all; still, it was not enough. They couldnâ€™t make each other happy anymore. Simple tasks became expectations, and when they were not met, it was a reason to fight.
In all things your love does for you, appreciate. Whether itâ€™s paying for dinner or taking the trash out; these simple acts of kindness should never go unnoticed. Remember, youâ€™re in a relationship to grow together.